2009-04-29 - 12:37 a.m.
Had another major breakdown in front of my manager.
Mummy is coldwarring with me now. Because of a whole chain of events basically leading her to think that I don't care about her and the family anymore. The final straw came on sunday when I didn't turn up at home earlier to eat what she's prepared for me.
Cp has a point. That Mummy prepared all the food because it was rare that I came back for dinner and by throwing away the food, she probably didn't feel good.
It was a freaking hell of a coincidence that I forgot to bring my phone out that day so when she called, I could not pick up at all.
And not to forget the two smses I received at bf's auntie's house. Was so preoccupied thinking about them that I forgot to call back.
Hell.
Now she's totally ignoring me.
Cp tells me to do something for her. I'm praying that it'll work.
It's the first time my mum is doing this to me. I know I was at fault. For not showing enough concern during this period of time.
My appointments in the evening were postponed today. The whole afternoon in the office, I was thinking whether to get home early. But I was so scared of facing her.
So I decided to have a talk with my manager instead.
Once I started, the tears just wouldn't stop.
Told her about what happened last Friday and Sunday too. And how about that thought actually came to my mind for the first time.
I tell you it really sucks feeling your hopes going from a low to a high to an ecstasy high to right-down-valley-low again.
Totally sucks.
She talked to me, I talked to Boss on Monday as well. I shook off the thought after a while.
But just when I needed to get back to work again, I was getting distracted by this whole issue again.
Feel so fucking screwed up now.
After the whole talk with my manager, I realised Boss was waiting for her. Waited for her for two whole hours. Hell. I felt damn bad, but I looked totally distraught so I didn't apologise to him face to face.
Everything is going wrong I need to get them right again.
I really wanted to talk to you. But you sounded so preoccupied with other things. Maybe you are really busy. Maybe I'm getting a bit too attention-seeking. Maybe I'm getting a bit childish. But all I wanted was for you to say something to make me laugh, like how you always do.
Here I am getting pissed off when you're talking about other people and other things but you will never know.
Maybe only after you read this. But.
Nevermind.
Nevertheless, I was very proud of you when you came back from your appointment in the afternoon. I know you've put in effort and I'm happy that the other party has seen it and commented on it too. Jiayou.