2009-03-01 - 11:13 a.m.
Yesterday I went to training looking dazed.
I practically dashed to the toilet after seeing you.
I went back home to sleep and after that, had the shock of my life.
I was plain lucky, if it was someone else, I probably would not get over it so smoothly.
Felt fucking screwed up so I gave my buddy colleague a call and poured out everything to her.
She was totally shocked.
Most of the time, she just listened. There were a lot of awkward pauses in between but every time she made a comment, it made me wake up one time.
'It's not a question, girl.'
'He really win liao.'
I really woke up at that time. Which is why I managed to celebrate my brother's birthday after that.
Which is why when I met her later, she said I looked a whole lot better.
She said the past few days, I was totally gone. Half the time, I'm not listening to what other people are saying. Actually no, make it 3/4 of the time.
She said I had a whole lot of other things to do.
She said I needed to make myself happier.
She let me use her nail polish. And I marvelled at the colour.
But later, it was freaking hard to remove.
This morning, I woke up, I did what she said. I made up, I dress what I liked to wear. For a while, I really stopped thinking.
But on the train, it was all the same.
Then, the biggest blow came when the client didn't pick up/reply the smses.
It's freaking 10am in the morning.
I came out of the office and walked towards the other, not knowing why I was going there for.
I messaged some people asking if they're awake.
But even if they said they are, I'll probably leave it as it is.
I cried again alone in the office.
It's not that I don't know I need to recover from this asap.
But it's just that everything else is going wrong at the same time.
I desperately need to work so I don't think.
But so many are being postponed and today, this guy just mia.
What am I supposed to use to distract myself now?
And, the worst part was, while crying, I still contemplated whether to call you.
I really don't have the strength anymore.