2009-01-18 - 1:50 p.m.
Okay, so the past few days have been quite an emotional rollercoaster.
My trainer described me as being like the stock market, 'rock-bottom'. Haha. I simply crumbled yesterday and let it all out, more than what I myself expected. Nonetheless, I am thankful to you for forcing the emotions out of me because I needed to and I felt loads better after I did. =)
Many of them talked to me, all in different ways, some as listeners, some as encouragements, some as attempts to make me laugh it out. I appreciate all of them, because I never felt so loved by such a big group of people before. Thanks to all of them, I picked myself up quickly after the emotional outburst in the morning and carried on with my appointment in the afternoon as per normal. At the end of the day, I was emotionally drained but I was happy because I know I managed to do something I wasn't able to do in the past.
Like what it has always been in the past, people can always see me better than I see myself. My mentor/manager told me she saw my problem long ago, it's just that I never realised and bottled everything for so long I finally exploded.
She said it was okay, in fact she's glad I'm going through this now. That she would be more worried if everything was smooth-sailing like it was so far. That if everything was okay until one day when I was successful, then I wouldn't be able to take it.
They all went through it, and survived so no reason why I shouldn't right? =P
He said I very oscar cos I hid everything from everyone else, including people at home. Okay lar, he's not as observant as the my mentor lar, as expected. Haha, but thing is, when he asked why I didn't voice it out, I really didn't know something was wrong until Friday. Okay, as expected, slow ahma nature coming out lar hor.
Last night during the call with him, I was still a little emotional. Think mummy saw it and she asked this morning. I still denied though, because I simply didn't want them to be worried.
But I know I will be okay in no time.
Because I didn't want to disappoint all of them.
And I didn't want to disappoint myself too.
This morning, I received a sms that didn't really give good news but nonetheless, it's just one person I meet out of so many. So why get upset over something so trivial right? Come to think of it, if not for everything that's happened the past few days, I probably will not be able to think this way this morning. =)
I still remember why I went into this.
I know I still want this.
So, like they all say, go eileen! =P
Thanks for bringing me to this company. =P
As much as I'm glad for everything that's happened yesterday, I need to say sorry to a friend. I didn't mean to disappoint you and on the train I was realy contemplating whether to join you all for the baking session and it felt loads better hearing all your voices. But I was so mentally tired that I decided not to join in. It was nothing more than that, I was just tired. And now I regret not going for such a weak reason, because I know you've put in a lot of effort into this, especially in getting so much ingredients and preparing your house for the session. I promise I won't do the same for future sessions yeah? Sorry dear.